Jerks are known to ask foolish questions and make statements that are intended to test your patience. Sometimes you want to let them know how stupid they sound but you lack the right words to say. If this is your experience, you’ll find this article useful because it offers you the 106 good comebacks for jerks that actually work. Take a look!
106 Good Comebacks for Jerks
Polite Comebacks for Jerks
1. “Your comments about [insert the subject] are not acceptable.”
2. “I like the way you try so hard.”
3. “The only thing wrong with me is that I’m talking to you.”
4. “This thing you’ve just said to me? Unacceptable. If I hear it one more time, I will refuse to speak to you for a day. After that, it’ll be two days, and the next time, it will be doubled to four.”
5. “I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
6. “You should come with a warning label.”
7. “You changed your mind? Does this one work any better?”
8. “You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.”
9. “It is impossible to underestimate you.”
10. “Life is funny… people will point out what’s wrong with you but they can’t see what’s wrong with themselves.”
11. “If you are going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.”
12. “Did you mean to be so rude?”
13. “It’s not okay with me that you comment on [insert the subject]. I’d like to ask you to stop.”
14. “Don’t feel bad, there are many people who have no talent.”
15. “I like you. People say I have no taste, but I like you.”
16. “Let’s chat when you are in a calmer mood, I want us to find a way to communicate more respectfully.”
17. “Time out, you can’t do that here.”
18. “You always have something negative to add to the conversation, don’t you?”
19. “It seems like you must be going through a challenging time. I am here if you need to talk.”
20. “Isn’t it dangerous to use your entire vocabulary in one sentence?”
21. “Your face looks like it caught fire and someone put it out with a baseball bat.”
22. “Are you always a ray of sunshine?”
23. “You say that like it is a bad thing.”
24. “Oh, this is how conversation works.”
Less Complicated Comebacks for Jerks
25. “You have the rest of your life to be a jerk, why don’t you take the day off.”
26. “They say opposites attract, I hope you meet someone intelligent.”
27. “You aren’t stupid; you just have bad luck while thinking.”
28. “Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.”
29. “May all your bacon burn.”
30. “Stupidity is not a crime, so you are free to go.”
31. “Do you like nature, despite what it did to you?”
32. “Everyone enjoys good clean roasts.”
33. “I would love to insult you but I’m afraid I would do as well as nature did.”
34. “You are like hemorrhoid, a pain in the rear that won’t go away.”
35. “Your words, not mine.”
36. “May you run out of toilet paper when you need it most.”
37. “You are about as sharp as a bowling ball.”
38. “They don’t give trophies for last place.”
39. “Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.”
40. “Aw, it’s so cute when you talk about things you don’t understand.”
41. “Jesus loves you but everyone else thinks you are a jerk.”
42. “Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.”
43. “There are Petri dishes more cultured than you.”
44. “Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental.”
45. “Don’t you love nature; despite what it did to you?”
46. “Hi, I’m a human being, what are you?”
47. “I’m jealous of people who don’t know you.”
48. “If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.”
49. “Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you’ll find your brain back there.”
50. “People clap when they see you, they clap their hands over their eyes you are proof that God has a sense of humor.”
51. “Nobody likes you.”
52. “Is that right, and what exactly have you accomplished that makes you Einstein?”
53. “If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.”
54. “Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.”
55. “Don’t think, you might sprain your brain.”
56. “Keep talking, someday you’ll say something of value.”
57. “Quick, check your face, because I just found a nose in my business again.”
58. “The problem with close-minded people is that their mouths are always open.”
59. “I can’t seem to remember your name, and please don’t help me.”
60. “Whoa, I know you have fantasies but please keep them to yourself.”
61. “Jealousy is a disease, get well soon.”
62. “A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind.”
63. “I’m busy right now, but I would be happy to ignore you some other time.”
64. “In the land of the witless, you’d be king.”
Savage Comebacks for Jerks
65. “Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?”
66. “You are a ground-hugger, a real low-life.”
67. “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take the garbage out.”
68. “If you worked out as much as you ran your mouth, you’d be in great shape.”
69. “I’d punch your face, but I can’t stand the thought of touching you.”
70. “It’s good that you aren’t letting education get in the way of your ignorance.”
71. “Did someone leave your cage open?”
72. “If I threw a stick, you’d chase it, right?”
73. “Your lips are moving but all I hear is blah, blah, blah.”
74. “You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid.”
75. “I may not be perfect but at least I am not you.”
76. “Now I understand why animals eat their young.”
77. “You are the reason nobody likes you.”
78. “I was going to give you a disgusted look but I see you’ve already got one.”
79. “Why is it okay for you to be an idiot, but not for me to point it out?”
80. “I love the sound you make when you shut up.”
81. “You are as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.”
82. “Earth is full, go home.”
83. “Whatever is eating you must be suffering horribly.”
84. “You’ll never be the man your mom is.”
85. “This is the perfect time for you to become a missing person.”
Funny Comebacks for Jerks
86. “I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.”
87. “Don’t get bitter, just get better.”
88. “I see no evil, and I definitely don’t hear your evil.”
89. “You have miles to go before you reach mediocre.”
90. “Bye, hope to see you never.”
91. “Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job.”
92. “I’m not a nerd; I’m just smarter than you.”
93. “You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
94. “Don’t worry — the first 40 years of childhood are always the hardest.”
95. “Wow, I bet you even fart glitter!”
96. “I’ve found puddles deeper than you.”
97. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes.”
98. “Dynamite comes in small packages.”
99. “Yeah, and what makes you so exciting?”
100. “There are two sides to every story… and you’re a jerk in both of them.”
101. “Did I invite you to my barbecue? Then why are you all up in my grill?”
102. “If you’re waiting for me to care, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be a while.”
103. “If you’re going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise, you’re just an ass.”
104. “If you ran like your mouth you’d be in good shape.”
105. “I guess if you actually ever spoke your mind, you’d really be speechless.”
106. “You have the face of a saint. A Saint Bernard, that is.”
