Breakups are always hard. It doesn’t matter if you initiated it or not; getting past a breakup takes time and effort. And, you either get over them with time or you don’t.
If you’re still not over your latest breakup, you might be wondering how to make your ex want you back. Luckily, there’s a fool-proof way of doing that. Here’s a 13-step guide on how to undo a breakup!
1. Get Some Space (And Take Some Time)
Firstly, don’t rush into things. Yes, you want your ex back, and yes, you want them back as soon as possible. But if you rush into things and don’t take the time to process what happened, you might not get anywhere.
Instead, get some space and go no-contact. Even if you’re not necessarily looking to get over your ex, the space and time away from them will help you put things in perspective. So, don’t call them, don’t text them, and definitely don’t go out of your way to orchestrate opportunities for the two of you to “accidentally” meet.
2. Go Over the Breakup (And Find the Cause)
While you’re getting some space, don’t waste time. Instead of wallowing in your own despair, try being productive.
Once the initial shock of the breakup wears off, and you’re done talking about it with pretty much everyone you know, try to go a bit deeper. Really think about why the two of you split up in the first place. Who brought it up? Which problems led to the two of you parting ways?
Then think about how you can get over or fix those problems. Are the causes unforgivable? Is there no more trust between you? Or, are the issues that led to the two of you breaking up perhaps a consequence of a misunderstanding?
You must dissect the breakup and figure out what caused it because, if you don’t, you won’t be able to undo it. That will just leave you wondering how to make your ex want you back with no real solution in sight.
3. Get Your Ego In Check
While you’re taking the time to dissect the breakup, don’t forget to heal your ego. No matter how mutual and amicable a breakup is, someone has to initiate it. If that was you, then great, you don’t have to deal with your ego.
However, if your ex was the one to initiate the breakup, then you were probably left with some hurt feelings. That’s the inevitable aftermath of any split.
If that’s the case, take some time to heal. Moreover, don’t let your ego run amok. It will try to get you to be angry about the split (How could THEY leave YOU?) or play on your insecurities (Is it me? Did I cause this?).
No matter which path your ego takes, it will ruin your chances (if you’re looking up how to make your ex want you back).
So, work through and get rid of all thoughts of self-doubt.
4. Don’t Be Too Desperate
This step might sound a bit like a cliche, but it’s the absolute truth. Being desperate to get someone back and willing to do pretty much anything to accomplish that is neither attractive nor healthy.
The reality of the situation is that if you weren’t the one to initiate the breakup, you don’t really have a lot of control over the situation. That means the power dynamics have shifted. When that happens, people tend to lose all sense of dignity and get a bit too desperate.
Take time to ensure that doesn’t happen. Don’t let desperation dictate your moves.
5. Work On Yourself
Instead of getting desperate, take a good look inside and see what you’re unhappy with. Is there anything about you that you want to change? Are you able to do that?
It’s crucial that you realize that those changes must be motivated by self-improvement and self-fulfillment. Working on yourself for the sake of being a better fit for someone else might be an effective motivator, but it’s unhealthy. What’s more, it’s also counterproductive, since you’ll end up resenting those changes in the end.
Instead, change and improve because you want to. That will also make you a healthier, more attractive partner.
6. Be Happy With Yourself
This step goes hand in hand with the previous one. If you’re unhappy about the breakup and, on top of that, dissatisfied with yourself (who you are, what your personality traits are, and how you conduct yourself), you won’t be able to make much progress.
So, work on being happy individually before you start working on figuring out how to make your ex want you back.
7. Realize That He Still Wants You
The chemistry between two people isn’t something that you can fake. It also isn’t something that just disappears into thin air just because one of you decided to break things off.
So, if the chemistry was there, it would still be there even if you haven’t seen each other in a while. In other words, your ex still wants you.
It’s essential that you realize this because it will get you back a bit of that power you lost. You’re still wanted, desired, and attractive. You just have to remember it.
8. Plan Everything
Once you’ve finished (or at least embarked on) the journey of self-improvement, it’s time to plan. Making a plan for getting back together with an ex is important because it manages your expectations.
Moreover, it also allows you to reflect on the relationships and make a plan for potential future scenarios.
For example, what if the issues you already had come up again? How can you improve what you had? Which new boundaries could help you form a healthier relationship?
These are the questions that you need to include in your plan and answer before doing anything to get your ex back.
9. Avoid Repeating Mistakes
Falling into old habits is easy. However, if the breakup was caused by issues that you discussed (or argued about) frequently, see what you can do to stop that from happening again.
Getting your ex back and then seeing the relationship end for the same reasons as before will be even more devastating than it was the first time.
10. Get Their Attention (the Right Way)
Given that you’ve been no-contact with your ex (if you followed this guide), you’ll have to get their attention. Luckily for you, the no-contact will probably be enough to get it. They’ll miss you and contact you, thus saving you from the trouble of figuring out what to do.
If that doesn’t happen, you’ll have to plan a different way to get their attention. Contact them over the phone or text to see what they’ve been up to. If you can, do it casually and without putting too much pressure on the situation. Don’t seem too eager and try to leave them wanting more.
11. Make Him Jealous
If you’ve been thinking about how to make your ex want you back for a while now, the first thing that probably came to mind was to make them jealous. That is a tried and proven way to get someone back. If nothing else, it will at least get their attention.
But be careful. If your ex isn’t the jealous type or if they are incredibly prone to jealousy, this might backfire and push them further away.
12. Don’t Bring Up the Past
Once you’ve gotten their attention and talked a bit, try to agree on a meetup. Make it as casual as possible. Don’t overthink it or put too much pressure on the meeting. More importantly, don’t use the meetup as an opportunity to share every thought you have about the breakup.
Generally speaking, don’t bring up the past. Yes, you’re trying to figure out how to make your ex want you back, and reflecting on the past is a vital part of that. But using your first meeting to go over everything that went wrong isn’t a way to do that.
If you do decide to get back together, talk about what caused the breakup, how you’ll both work on fixing it, and then leave the past where it belongs.
13. Build Up the Attraction Again
Sure, the attraction is there, but you also have to work on it. Lighting old flames isn’t that hard, especially if the breakup was recent. But it’s vital that you work on your attractiveness to avoid landing in the friend zone.
Try to steer the conversation in a direction that would be interesting and hot. Don’t go overboard but don’t act like their friend either. After all, you don’t really want to be their friend, do you?
