why do men pull away

Why Do Men Pull Away? 12 Answers To Figure Out

When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to have difficulty figuring out the actions of your partner. Both men and women can be difficult to decipher, and one of the most common questions women ask is, why do men pull away at certain times? Just like women can do, men can start to pull away for a variety of reasons, but fortunately, it’s easier than you think to figure out what these reasons are.


If your relationship is going well and all of a sudden your man starts to pull away from you, what does this mean? Although his cheating on you might be the first thing you think about his behavior, it could be something far simpler than that.

If things have been going great between the two of you and he suddenly starts to pull away emotionally, don’t panic. He could be displaying some insecurities or even behaviors that are subconscious in nature.

But don’t worry, after learning a few simple tips it should be much easier to figure out what’s truly going on with your man, which means you’re one step closer to doing something about it. Below are a few of those tips.

1. He Likes You

Huh? Believe it or not, guys can start to pull away if they truly like you, especially if they were a confirmed bachelor before they met you and had intentions of staying that way for a very long time. If this is the case and he starts to care about you, it’s easy for him to feel conflicted. Let’s face it, when you love someone, it’s easy to feel vulnerable, and this vulnerability can lead to some very insecure feelings.

If he starts to care about you but doesn’t really want to deal with those feelings, it’s easy for him to pull away from you.

2. He’s Stressed About the Commitment

Similar to the first factor, when a man starts feeling like his commitment to you is becoming more serious than he’d like it to be at that point, he can feel stressed and start to pull away. In this case, it’s best to leave him alone for a while, but you should still let him know you’re not going away.

It may be scary because you won’t be positive he’s going to come back, but just be yourself and don’t push him to act a certain way, and he should come back to you eventually.

Unless, of course, “if you love someone, let them go … “

3. He Doesn’t Like What He Sees in Himself

Doing things together is always great for couples, but when men feel like they’re spending too much time in the shopping mall waiting for you to pick out the perfect pair of jeans and not enough time tossing back a few cold ones with the guys, they might start to feel like the relationship is becoming imbalanced. This imbalance creates a conflict that might eventually make him pull away from you.

Letting men be men is the perfect solution to this problem. If you’re secure enough in the relationship, you won’t mind that he gets in some time with his guy friends on a regular basis.

4. You Are No Longer a Challenge to Him

Men love to hunt, and this includes working hard to get the girlfriend of their dreams. If your relationship has gotten to the point where you’re available every time he texts or calls, then there’s no challenge in it anymore. This can result in a type of boredom that can only be relieved by making yourself a little less available, although not to the point where you’re playing hard to get.

If he calls and you already have plans, stick with those plans. Otherwise, he might feel you aren’t a challenge to him anymore and pull away from you.


5. The Two of You Had Sex Too Soon

Sex is an important part of any relationship, but when you have sex too early before you even give yourselves a chance to know one another, there is often nothing to shoot for and therefore, he can pull away from you. In other words, he has nothing to aim for and becomes, in a way, bored. This one is a little more difficult to remedy than other actions are, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

Although you can’t go back and undo the action, you can certainly start by redoing the relationship, so to speak, and concentrate more on the emotional relationship and less on the physical one.

6. They Simply Don’t Want a Relationship

If you’re interested in furthering the relationship and he’s not, he will have a tendency to pull away from you. Many times, women want the relationship to proceed but men don’t (although it can be the other way around as well), making your man pull away from you instead of getting closer.

This is usually something you have little to no control over, but it’s still good to nip it in the bud and find out as soon as possible how he really feels so you can decide for sure what you want to do about the relationship.

7. He May Have Personal Reasons for Doing So

No one ever knows for certain what is going on in another person’s life, and your man may simply be experiencing personal trauma that you know nothing about. He may be having health problems or even financial troubles. He may be trying to determine what to do about his job, or he may even be considering a move far away from home. None of this is your fault, but it can cause him stress that he may choose not to involve you in at the moment.

Again, this is beyond your control, so just be patient until he decides to let you know what is going on in his life.

8. He Might Just Be a Player

If your man really isn’t your man at all and is actually dating several women at a time, this will make him pull away from you. Like a famous television show once lamented, maybe “he’s just not that into you.” Or maybe he actually prefers not to get serious with just one woman.

A few ways you can tell he’s a player include conversations about shallow topics and not in-depth topics, remembering things you told him at an earlier date, and he has a phone that suddenly goes off at a certain time every night.

If he tells you he’ll contact you on Friday and it’s Sunday or Monday before he does so, he might be a player. Just look for the signs because they’ll be easy to recognize after a while.


9. You Treat Him Like You Do Your Girlfriends

In any relationship, both partners have a right to be treated special, so if you’re constantly treating your man like “one of the girls,” your man may react by pulling away. He wants to feel like your boyfriend and be given special treatment, not treated like he doesn’t really matter. If you notice him pulling away, you can ask yourself how you’re treating him to determine if this is the problem.

Fortunately, if this is the problem, all you have to do is start treating him like he deserves to be treated and things should turn around quickly.

10. He Doesn’t Feel Like He Has Enough Control

While men and women have a right to be treated equally, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let him explore his masculinity on a regular basis. Men have a natural desire to be in control, to make the tough decisions, and to be the breadwinner in the household. If you make more money than him, so be it, but allow him other ways to express his masculinity so he doesn’t get lost in the relationship.

11. He Feels Like He’s Being Buried Alive

Most men – and many women – don’t like feeling suffocated, yet this is a common feeling when you’re in a relationship. Becoming too dependent on your man can make this happen, and the best thing you can do to avoid it is to keep your independence and encourage him to do the same.

When you enjoy your time with your man but like time to explore your hobbies and other interests as well, this shows him that you’re not too needy and therefore won’t make him feel like he’s drowning.

12. Things Are Moving Too Fast

Relationships that move too fast can scare a man into pulling away from you, and this is especially true if he is also afraid of commitment. Fast-moving relationships can scare anyone, but they tend to scare men more than women.

If things are moving too quickly, slowing down is the perfect answer, but first, you have to make sure this is the problem and not something else. Don’t let it bother you; just move onto the next logical step.


Determining, why do men pull away, is not that difficult if you know what to look for, and hopefully, these tips can help you figure out what the problem is and what to do about it.

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