We’d all like to believe that marriages are forever. But, unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Sometimes you’re not mature enough, sometimes your partner isn’t, sometimes it’s neither of you.
Relationships should be something everyone takes at their own pace. It’s important to recognize the value of time and move on if things aren’t working out for you or your partner anymore.
So how do you know when it’s time to divorce? It’s a decision you have to think about deeply. There can’t be any oversights. Here is a list of 5 signs that it may be time for you to go your separate way.
5 Ways You Know It’s Time to Divorce
#1. You Never Argue
Arguing is healthy in all relationships. These long quarrels can be frustrating, but they help you understand your partner’s feelings and reconnect with them whenever things feel out of synch. Arguing, simply put, is a way to get back on the same page before things fall apart.
Sometimes arguments are petty, sometimes they’re just a spirited contest of wits, and sometimes they’re meaningful. Having arguments, conflicts, or debates can help you grow as a person and expand your perspectives. The only time you can say an argument is unhealthy is when cheap shots are thrown or if things get physical. If an argument ever gets heated, remember never to let it go there.
If you’re not arguing anymore, that’s a bad sign. How long has it been since your last clash and how did things end? Was it resolved? Leaving arguments open for a long time to protect your feelings or your partner’s feelings can cause aggression to build up passively.
Being too scared of engaging in an argument is a clear sign that your relationship is going down an ugly road. The sooner you have the argument and talk about divorce, the better it will be for both of you in the long run.
#2. Winning Is Everything
If every altercation you have with your significant other is focused more on scoring points rather than achieving balance and harmony, it’s a sign you are in a toxic relationship. Relationships require both participants to be willing to engage, learn, and grow as a team and not just as two individuals.
When you’re married, you need to remember that there is no winning unless the team wins. You’re a unit of two instead of one — in other words, a family. Feeling upset, angry, lonely, or jealous on a daily basis for too long can take its toll on a person’s mental health. It shouldn’t matter who wins more often or who tries to win more often. If the outcome is constant dissatisfaction on both sides, where is the victory in that?
The most important aspect of any relationship is trying to maintain an equal exchange of value. When partners treat each other with the same level of respect regardless of their own level of merit, they become more harmonious. It is certainly possible to achieve an equal exchange of value in healthy contests.
But unhealthy contests that tend to result in bitterness, hostility, or tears upset this harmony, and that’s why your marriage isn’t working out.
#3. They Send Your Heart Racing
And not in that exciting romantic way.
If you’re having violent or angry thoughts every time your spouse says or does something insignificant, that’s a big red flag. Do you often find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid your partner because you’re afraid you might lose your temper? It’s not normal behavior. This sort of thing happens when people let things that profoundly irritate them slide for the sake of romance. But over time, this irritation builds up.
Have you given up on trying to reason with your partner or connect with them because they infuriate you? If you have, then you may need to confront them just one more time to talk about separation.
It can be very difficult to discuss separation with someone you’ve spent as much time with as your spouse. Plus, that’s someone you’ve been in love with before and share an intimate attachment to. But if all that’s left is anger and resentment, divorce is going to be the best decision for both of you.
If you’re experiencing separation anxiety try to think about your partner for a moment. Unless you’re positive about rekindling the romance and finding common ground again, it’s unfair to them to let the marriage go on. You need to value your time and theirs and call it quits before things go from unpleasant to hostile.
#4. You Hide Your Real Self
Can’t express your true emotions or opinions on anything? If you’re too afraid of being honest with your partner because they keep making you tense, it could be a warning sign of impending doom.
The person you’re married to is a part of the home you keep coming back to every day, and your home should be the one place where you should feel free to be your real self. Feeling out of place in the marriage and putting up a front is not bravery. Rather, it’s unfair to your partner and detrimental to both of you in the long term.
Try having a real conversation with your partner and express all the difficulties you’re facing in the marriage with candor. Barring moments of real connection that are born out of nowhere, having a conversation will give you the courage you need to file for a divorce.
#5. You Often Feel Lonely When You’re with Your Partner
Your partner is ideally supposed to complete you. If you feel lonely when you’re with your spouse, it’s not a sign to take lightly. It’s time to contemplate your relationship and your future and have an open discussion with your partner.
Your partner has spent a lot of time with you, so they do know you to an extent. If there’s anything you haven’t mentioned about your past or present, you need to fill in the gaps. You won’t escape this loneliness until you’re able to intimately connect with your partner, which is impossible without opening up.
There may be a reason why you’re withholding, or perhaps you’ve tried opening up but your partner never pays attention because they’re too self-absorbed. If you’ve tried your best to inspire the best out of your partner and your needs are still unmet, it’s time for a divorce.
